i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize