it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
