On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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