I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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