i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Randomize
