Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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