Need sex. Gaining weight.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Drake has all the answers
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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