she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
