im drinking this country out of the recession.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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