Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Randomize
