I faked an abortion last night.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
