do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
