We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
