pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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