Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize