First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
she looked like the before picture.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
We need a shit load of segways right now
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
