it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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