my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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