Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
