I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Randomize
