im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
