if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Randomize
