I'm eating all of the evidence.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
