No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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