What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
