Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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