SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
This is the high leading the old right now
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
