Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
