I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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