i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Randomize
