If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
