I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
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