i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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