i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
