Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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