there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Randomize
