She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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