whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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