I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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