Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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