I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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