So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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