you traded sex for a burrito?
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
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