Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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