i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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