their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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