Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
