Sponge bath it is.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
