I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
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