I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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