If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I need to sanitize my soul.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
