would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
