i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Randomize
