dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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