So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Randomize
