I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
