Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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